If you are going to London...

Today was a sad day in dressing my children. You see, while my parents lived in London, I always wanted to shop. But if you have ever been to London then you know that a pound is a wee bit stronger than a dollar so shopping is never a sound investment (actually my mother's friends could justify a flight back to the States citing the amount of money they would save from shopping)

Anyhow, one Christmas my mother decided to follow the advice of Time Out and shopped at Marylebone High Street. Sure you have to push yourself through the crowds of sigh *tourists* sigh again waiting to get into Madame Toussad's to get there, but once you arrive...it is a European shopping heaven. No deals to be found, but a mecca nonetheless. My sister, however, might complain that there was no Jigsaw, but nothing is ever perfect. So that Christmas we were introduced to Space NK Apothecary, The Conran Shop, Skandium, Brora (the most beautiful cashmere you have ever seen!) and of course, the point of my story, The Little White Company.

I think that it started innocently enough with a pair of Christmas pijamas and it just snowballed from there. Not only are the pjs made from the most luxorious thick 100% cotton, they are simple, downright adorable, AND cheaper than pjs at the Gap. I covet these pjs, saving them for special nights...nights when the boy has taken a bath, when someone besides us is going to see him, or when I just need a good hug from a kid in the comfiest pjs around.

My last visit to The Little White Company was in May. My parents were packing up to move home, and I was stocking up for my little boy and my in-utero little girl. We bought just about everything in the store that we didn't already have...and then some. But today I realized that we didn't buy enough. Today, I put the last new outfit on our little girl. I have no more stock-piled pjs to hold on to for the next special occasion...we're back to stocking up at the Gap and other such places. So today, I am sad. I miss going to London for so many reasons, but The Little White Company might be the biggest of all.

is paying $50 in shipping too much for pjs???

Not my future career

OK, so I have been dwelling a lot on what I want to do when I grow up my kids grow up. But I'll tell you one job I'll never get. President of the United States.

I have been amazed this week at the amount of press Hillary Clinton has gotten because she teared up in New Hampshire.

She teared up for god's sake. Not cry, not sob, just got a little choked up, verklempt if you will. She's tired, she thought she was losing, and she is human after all.

Now, let us just for one moment imagine that I was in her position. No sleep for about 10 months, thought my life goals were about to go down the toilet, and asked a raw, emotional question. This is what it would have been like for me.(because it is the important things in life that usually get me going!)

It doesn't matter if I am tired, sad, angry, or overjoyed...I cry. It is a characteristic that I come by honestly and genetically and there is nothing I can do about it. Just ask my parents, sister, husband, former bosses, and the nasty man who yelled at me because he thought I took his parking space. I'm a crier and proud of it.

Say Peas!

Oh how I love solid food. And so does she. We are now sleeping through the night, not cranky, and well adjusted (I'm talking about me, not her!).

Hallelujah!

A New Year: A New Me

I have to make a change. No, I am not just talking about the jeans that I have been wearing for 3 days straight or the 6 pounds I gained over the holidays. (the women at weight watchers were nice enough not to gasp and just tell me that they were proud that I even came back)

I am talking about my career...or lack there of at this point.

Every day I struggle to be a good mom. And to be honest, I don't think that I am doing that well. In fact, the other day I was asked which I loved more, a good meal or my children. That answer is obvious when I revealed my 6 pound weight gain, right? Noooo...I love my kids to death, but I just am not the crafty, make a project out of pipe cleaners, paper plates, and all the leaves they dragged into the house stay at home mom..so I question what am I good at?

• spending no less than $100 at Target
• wasting 4 hours of free-school time
• taking 4 days to wash 3 days worth of laundry

Can I make a career out of any of these talents?

No...but I think I had my eureka moment this morning when trying to figure out what we were going to do (a no plan day is always the scariest day of all!) and all I wanted was a cup of coffee and all my 3 year old wanted to do was play with friends.

So that's it. I'm going to start a business...and no I'm not joking here...a drink and play cafe**. Have a cup of coffee, enjoy wireless internet and watch your child play with all the toys you don't want to have in your house (picture kitchens, work benches, big blocks and everything else you don't want to store *) Of course, there will be a fantastic person to watch the children, make sure everyone shares, takes their turn, and leaves you alone while you check your e-mail, pay your bills, or even google your 8th grade boyrfriend. Doesn't that sound fantastic?

I'm on it.

*add to that list the flat screen tv in the corner that I promised my husband will exclusively play ESPN on Saturday and Sunday mornings to attract the Daddy congregation.

**very strange coincidence that Monkey Business has had the same thought recently too!

12 Days of Christmas

Let's just cut to the last verse and it is much better if you sing it out loud!!

On the twelveth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

12 hours of sleep (continuous, not just over a period of 3 days)
11 friends to play with (at their house!)
10 pedicured toes (a manicure would be pushing it!)
9 days without bed wetting (now I'm getting really greedy!)
8 minute carpool line
7 pounds lost (that would get me back to even!)
6 days at the gym (even God took one day off!)
5 SERVINGS OF VEGGIES EATEN!
4 hour naps
3 square meals
2 healthy kids
and a maid to clean up after me! (not every other week...ALL THE TIME!)

Bad Mommy

I have been thinking for months about all the things I swore I would never do as a parent back when I was not a parent. I'm never even really positive about the contents of this "list" until I get to the point where I have to break one of the rules.

They include things such as:
1. I won't make a scene in a restaurant, store, library, or any quiet place. HA! Did that one about 15 million times already

2. I won't let my child pee outside, on the side of the road or any place other than a bathroom. Did you see us on the side of 95 South that day peeing in the woods?

3. I won't let my kids have those motorized vehicles that are fake jeeps, hummers, race cars etc. In my garage there are now TWO of them, thanks to the neighbors.

4, I won't succomb to the junk food, processed food that is so available and will give my kids all natural homemade products. Just ask my mother about our trip to Vienna where my son only ate processed orange food. Oops.

Most of these "rules" I set out for myself were broken with my son, but today I was able to break two of them with my daughter simultaneously.

5. I won't neglect my child, ignore their cries, or leave them wanting.

Well...today I did all 3. Little baby girl was playing in the exersaucer and started to make some noise. I was doing some other things and wanted her to hold off for her nap until we got in the car in 10 minutes. She whined, she cried, she fussed, but she was going to be okay. I checked my e-mail, I changed the laundry, I emptied the dishwasher. And then I decided to check on her. There she was, as cute as a button, asleep in the exersaucer. This is not an easy thing to do.

So as I ran to get my camera to document this neglect (wouldn't this story be better with a photo?) another rule got broken

6. I won't let animals lick, maul, eat my children

When I got back to sleeping beauty she was awake because the dog was standing right in her face and licking it.

Hmmm...send this one to DSS.

He must hate me

So yesterday was my husband's birthday and I had such a great plan. I had a sitter, I had reservations, and I even had clean clothes and makeup to wear. But the plan was tossed aside when my husband couldn't get home from work in time and we instead looked for a Plan B . So the conversation went something like this...

Me: So what do you want to do? I can meet you somewhere.
Him: I don't care, I just don't want to eat at a mall.
Me: Hmmm...I don't know where anything is around here if it isn't at the mall.
Him: You don't know where ANYTHING is that isn't at a mall.
Me: uhhh...no not really. I know where 3 Cheesecake Factory's are, but I don't know of any free standing restaurants around here that aren't at a mall
Him: Fine, we'll eat at a mall, on December 18, at night, on my birthday...fine.

So I get to the restaurant and my husband is no where to be found. I call him on his cell.

Me: Where are you? What's taking so long.
Him: I'm here, I'm just looking for a parking space

10 minutes later I call back
Me: What is going on? What's the problem?
Him: I finally found a spot by Macy's, I'm walking the 15 miles to the restaurant, I'll be right there.

I think I hear him mutter something about "happy birthday to me" as we hang up.

Eventually we enjoy a nice dinner together. Let's be honest, for the 2 of us to even eat dinner without shouting over the 3 year old, the crying 5 month old, and the whining dog...it could be at McDonald's and we'd be happy. Add to it a couple of margaritas and raspberry martinis...and everything is great. So as we wrap up dinner, I tell him to go ahead get started back to his car (The way he describes it, he parked in Wyoming!) and I'll meet him home.

When I got home, I paid the sitter, checked my e-mail and then my kids (in that order) and settled down to the couch. About 25 minutes later it dawned on me...Where IS he? So I called.

Me: Where are you?
Him: I'm still at the f&^**^ing mall. I can't find my car.
Me: What can I do?
Him: silence

Another 25 minutes pass and I am doing my best not to fall asleep on the couch before he gets home. Eventually he confides that the red packages with ribbons he used to remember which entrance of Macy's he used were at all 10 entrances. I didn't ask too many questions, just served some birthday cake, yawned, and whispered quietly as I walked up stairs

Me: We shouldn't have eaten at the mall.

A Christmas Tag

I've never done this before...but here we go...I'm only doing this for you Boom!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
I would love to be so martha and wrap everything...but in a pinch, a bag and some tissue!
2. Real tree or artificial?
No question, Real!
3. When do you put up the tree?
Next weekend, we just haven't been home to do it yet!
4. When do you take the tree down?
New's Years Day. I'm already feeling down from the disappointment of New Years, why not just go with the depression!
5. Do you like eggnog?
YUCK!
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
a riding saddle. In fact, I just got rid of it last year...to the delight of my husband.
7. Have a Nativity scene?
no.
8. Hardest person to buy for?
my in-laws, for sure!
9. Easiest person to buy for?
my 5 month old. She's going to LOVE everything I got her :)
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
jogging shorts and fat calipers (to measure my body fat) from my husband. He swears I asked for them!
11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
mail. Come to think of it, I better get on those!
12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
A Christmas Story. Eat like the piggies!
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
RIght after Halloween. I start with all the online stuff, become friendly with the UPS guy and of course, I always end up at the mall the week before christmas!
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Well, for about 25 years we have been handing a fruitcake back and forth bewteen two families. Not exactly what I would call a present, more like a weighted brick of love.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
My Aunt Jenie's cookies that my father is now starting to cook. BTW...1 is about 15 points on WW
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
clear
17. Favorite Christmas song?
Carol of the Bells, though I can't sing I loved singing that in chorus "ding dong, ding dong"
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
oh so sad...we used to travel Rome, Vienna, London...but this year it is home sweet home.
19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Not unless dopey is one of them!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Morning, noon and night. My sister and I fight over who can open the last present. We like to drag it out...of course because presents equals cocktail hour!
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
those blow up decorations...they are NOT decorations, just ugly! AND...long typed out letters accompanying christmas cards.
23. What I love most about Christmas?
Cooking...eating...cooking...eating..and repeat! OH...and christmas cards with pictures.

Snow Day!

Snow Day! part 1

I have always loved snow days. When I was little I remember begging my dad to cancel school. (and unlike many other kids, my father actually had the power to do so.) I would wake up at 5am just to hear him walk down the hall and turn off my alarm clock. No matter, I was already wide awake.

And then when I was a teacher myself I would wish for them like a little girl wishing for a pony. Oh, what I wouldn't do to have an extra day to grade papers, catch up on report cards, or write lesson plans. And like any good snow day, I would always spend it curled up on the couch watching Oprah and Ellen, reading the People magazine (purchased the day before in hopes there would be a snow day) and taking cat naps.

But I have to tell you nothing makes a snow day better than when you wake with a cry of joy from the monitor, "YAY! It's Christmas!" My little boy, looking out his window this morning and seeing all of the snow just assumed that Santa had come, Christmas was here, and there was joy to be spread around the world. And then he added, "AND Mommy, it is a school day too!" As if life couldn't get any better...snow, santa and school. He had hit the trifecta.

So one can only imagine the disappointment when he came downstairs and found that not only had Santa not come, but school was closed. Yes there was snow, but it seemed to have ruined all of his plans. Luckily for us, nothing changes a sad face around here like chocolate chip cookies and some sledding. So the crisis had been diverted, snow days are still fun around here and by lunch time, even the dog was smiling (can't you see it in the pictures?)

School enthusiasm!

My little boy LOVES preschool.

But rewind 3 months, 6 months, or even a year and the story was not the same. My Mr. Independent was Mr. Clingy. Crying, grabbing, planting himself in front of the door so I couldn't leave, hyperventilating, and even pretending not to feel well so he didn't have to go (I thought you only learned how to do that in Middle School!). I was starting to have visions of him living at home, going to Strayer University online and never leaving...EVER.

But something miraculous has happened. He is completely obsessed with preschool, his teachers, and his friends. He wants to be there every day, wants to eat lunch every afternoon, and really prefers to be there rather anywhere. Hey, I'm not complaining, I'm just reporting.

What is ironic is that when we moved here, I really resisted this particular preschool. I'm not a very religious person and thought I would prefer a non-church based school. I thought it would fit my beliefs and personality more and would also keep my mother off my back. But when all other options fell through, I ended up here. And let me tell you, church based or not...this is the best place in the world...AND my mother hasn't given me grief ONCE. Now if you want to talk miraculous...

So here I am, 7:30am and the little boy has been dressed and ready to go to school since 6:45. His shoes are on, his lunch is packed, and his bag is ready. I, on the other hand, haven't even made a coffee, had a diet coke, or picked up the newspaper. We're obviously on different schedules. I keep telling him that it is going to be a long time until we can go...and he says it is worth the wait!

The stars have aligned

For me, it is the most wonderful time of the year. No not Thanksgiving, and not Christmas, and not my husband's birthday right in the middle of all of these events.

It's Oprah's Favorite Things episode.

I usually try not to get into all of the Oprah hype. I don't read her books, I rarely watch her show, but for some reason I look forward to this show more than I really should. So as soon as I heard that the show was today, I set my TIVO and looked forward to bed time so that I can catch what all the must haves are for this year. Granted, I never buy any of them...but it is always good to be in the know.

So imagine my extreme joy when my three year old-- mr. no-napper himself-- sacks out for a super nap this afternoon. So I sit here, writing on my blog about nothing, drinking my 3 point latte (worth every point), watching my favorite thing.

Today...All the stars have aligned.

I want to be an After!

I have done every diet in the books. Jenny Craig, LA Weightloss, Nutri System, the Zone, Atkins, 5 Factor (who wouldn't do a diet that Jessica Simpson did??) and this week I went back to old faithful...Weight Watchers.

Back in 1988 I did Weight Watchers and rejoining this week was like greeting an old friend. The plan is the same,the books are the same, the Thanksgiving pep talk was the same, and certainly the decorations in the room are exactly the same. (not to mention they still recommend that you don't eat doritos and pop tarts...imagine that!)

So you might ask, what is unique about each of these diets...and the simple answer is nothing. Each one requires that you watch your portion control, limit your bad carbs, drink obscene amounts of water...oh and speaking of obscene amounts...you must pay them obscene amounts of money in order to suffer in this "lifestyle" they prescribe.

So why, you ask, do I keep jumping around from one to the other? I'll tell you...before and after pictures. I am a sucker for the bedraggled mom of 5 haven't showered or washed her clothes in 5 days before shot turned glamour girl with her blown out hair and professionally makeupped face in a bikini.

The fact of the matter is that bikini or not, I want to be an after.

So here I am neurotic like Bridget Jones...counting my points, weighing my food, and praying for a small (or rather large actually) weight loss miracle.

I promise not to post the pictures

What could have been

About 15 years ago a friend of mine asked, "Have you heard of this new company, Starbucks?"

I, ignorantly, said "no, what is it?"

She explained that it was a great new store that sold all sorts of good coffee. And then she proclaimed, "We should invest in it, I bet we would make SO much money"

Fast forward 15 years and I am hoping that my friend is a millionaire, all I am is addicted. In fact, I literally don't think that I could get anywhere without Starbucks. Since moving to DC my entire means of measurement are in the units of Starbucks.

How tired am I?

Venti with an extra shot tired

How many Weight Watcher points can I spare?

You can have a sugar free vanilla latte

What does my son think is his favorite treat?

A tall mocha frapachino lite (no judgement please)

Where is our next playdate?

Go past the Starbucks next to the Giant, turn at the one in the Target, and the park is next to the Starbucks near the Home Depot.

Finally,

How long does it take to get to preschool?

10 minutes normally, but allow 17 if you want to go through the drive through Starbucks.

HELL YEAH!!

I'm not rich, but I sure am glad that I was introduced to this form of crack at such an early age.

Moving on

Halloween came and went so fast. I am so sad, it is my favorite holiday and now all that is to be seens are singing Santas and blow up Rudolphs. I love the costumes, I love the pumpkins, and of course...I love all the candy (and my son's candy too, but please don't tell him) But what I love more than anything else right now, is the ability to dress my children in any costume I want and claim them adorable.

But the fact of the matter is that this year I lost control. Sure, I still had control over the four month old, but if I have already lost control with her, shoot me. But with the 3 year old...that is another story.

When he first told me in August that he wanted to be a dinosaur, I accepted the idea. Of course I thought that a polar bear, a gorilla, or even a British marching guard would be better, but I could accept dinosaur. But then, when I stupidly showed him the costume I wanted for him online, he cried "NO NOT THAT KIND OF DINOSAUR!"

What I thought was a color, style, or even species choice, simply turned out to be a fabric choice.

"I WANT THE DINOSAUR THAT IS GREEN AND SHINY"

So in a weak moment, I purchased the greenest, shiniest, and most flame non-resistant dinosaur costume we could find. The three year old...well, he was as happy as a t-rex. Me...well, I was just trying to keep him out of the way of the pumpkins for fear of a light show.

So next year, I hope to still have control over the little girl...but the boy...well let's just hope he doesn't want to be one of the pimps, goths, or skateboarders that come to my door. He can be shiny, but I still want him to be adorable.

Campaigning for some good PR

So my husband has started to read my blog and I think there is a direct correlation between that and his recent campaign for Father/Husband of the Week. I'm assuming that he feels misrepresented in my descriptions so he has made a concerted effort to give me NOTHING to write about.

I mean, if you remember to say "Happy Birthday" while I am still in bed and give me a present before breakfast...what can I write about?

I mean, if you call home to ask if I need anything from the store before you come home...what can I write about?


I mean, if you "go camping" with our 3 year old on a Friday night including a hike in the pouring down rain, hotdogs and s'mores by the fireplace, and sleeping ALL NIGHT in the tent in the family room...what can I write about?






And finally, if unsolicited you take the kids out of the house (where...I don't know and I don't care!) on Saturday morning so I could potentially read the paper and drink unlimited lattes (not exactly what happened, but the intent was there!)...what would I write about?

Have no fear, the campaign will soon be over and he will be exposed for the fraud he is, but in the mean time...I've got nothing to say.

One can dream, can't she?

I have dreams. Dreams of sleeping through the night uniterrupted. Dreams of being on time. Dreams of running in just a sports bra (I promise to never do it, I just would like the option) But one dream I really think I might reach is...being a truly good chef.

Now, I have to admit that my nutri-system diet is getting in the way of my culinary skills. There is not a lot of skill involved in heating up a "tofu-na casserole" or a "beef substitute with gravy." But I have been sharpening my skills with my new favorite cookbook:

I'm all about deception, so this cookbook is right up my alley. Blend up cauliflower and put it in banana bread. Done. Puree beets and sweet potato and put it in chocolate cake. Double done. Put chicpeas in chocolate chip cookies. Well...the jury is out on this one, but it was worth a shot.

But you know what has been the best result from this endeavor? I have been hand grooming my little boy to be the biggest catch EVER. Not only does he know the difference between white sugar and brown sugar, and egg whites and egg yolks...but he also likes to spend the afternoon with me in the kitchen. I couldn't have dreamt of anything better!

Couldn't say it better myself

Read me...hilarious

Oh...the spanx dance. I know it well. I can do it in my sleep. And unfortuantely, my husband knows it too. In fact, he now sees me dressed up, puts his hand on my back, tells me I look great, and then rubs gently up and down to see if I have any help keeping my figure a little slimmer than usual...sooo romantic.

Red Dye #5

We love James. He was our favorite. That is, until they recalled him because he was made of lead paint. And to be honest, the tantrum that ensued from removing James from our house made lead poisoning look like a walk in a park.

Now fast forward 6 weeks...we're over James, but not over the red dye apparently.

Yesterday, while "napping" my little guy slipped into his favorite t-shirt. This is a shirt brought to him by his Nana and Memo directly from the Great Wall. After 2+ hours of "napping" (playing, yelling, stripping his bed, hiding under his bed and getting stuck) my little one finally fell asleep. Unfortunately for us, he forgot to go potty in all the excitement of the previous "napping." So 1 1/2 hours later I go to wake him up and find him in a Chinese sea of pink. Turns out the t-shirt is very generous. Not only did it make all of my daughter's clothes pink (ok...most of them were pink to begin with) the first time I washed it, but when mixed with what seemed to be a gallon of urine, it also makes the comforter and sheets pink too.

Let's hope that the removal of this red dye is easier than that of James!

Match.com for Mommies

The other day I was handed a mommy calling card. This is something that is handed to other potential "mommy friends" in the hopes that they'll call you for playdates and eventually become your BFF. Unfortunately, with this system there is no screening process so you might invest a lot of time getting to know someone just to find out...you don't really like them.

What I need is something that is a little more modern, a little more scrutinizing, and a lot more skeptical. I want match.com for mommies.

I can just see it now, I fill out the form saying that I am a 32 year old active stay at home mother or 2. My older son is tall, energetic, well-mannered, and funny as all get out. My daughter, while only 3 months, shows signs of extreme intelligence by chewing on a giraffe and pooping on a regular schedule. I'll post the most adorable picture of the 2 of them along with one of me that was taken well before I ever had any children. And then I'll wait to see the responses.

Response #1 would be from mommylovesjesus.com DELETE IMMEDIATELY
Response #2 would be from ADHDnoproblem.com DELETE IMMEDIATELY
Response #3 would be from drinksonthejob.com REPLY, REPLY, REPLY

See how much time that would save me? Wouldn't it be great?