Wednesday, December 19, 2007

12 Days of Christmas

Let's just cut to the last verse and it is much better if you sing it out loud!!

On the twelveth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

12 hours of sleep (continuous, not just over a period of 3 days)
11 friends to play with (at their house!)
10 pedicured toes (a manicure would be pushing it!)
9 days without bed wetting (now I'm getting really greedy!)
8 minute carpool line
7 pounds lost (that would get me back to even!)
6 days at the gym (even God took one day off!)
4 hour naps
3 square meals
2 healthy kids
and a maid to clean up after me! (not every other week...ALL THE TIME!)

Bad Mommy

I have been thinking for months about all the things I swore I would never do as a parent back when I was not a parent. I'm never even really positive about the contents of this "list" until I get to the point where I have to break one of the rules.

They include things such as:
1. I won't make a scene in a restaurant, store, library, or any quiet place. HA! Did that one about 15 million times already

2. I won't let my child pee outside, on the side of the road or any place other than a bathroom. Did you see us on the side of 95 South that day peeing in the woods?

3. I won't let my kids have those motorized vehicles that are fake jeeps, hummers, race cars etc. In my garage there are now TWO of them, thanks to the neighbors.

4, I won't succomb to the junk food, processed food that is so available and will give my kids all natural homemade products. Just ask my mother about our trip to Vienna where my son only ate processed orange food. Oops.

Most of these "rules" I set out for myself were broken with my son, but today I was able to break two of them with my daughter simultaneously.

5. I won't neglect my child, ignore their cries, or leave them wanting. I did all 3. Little baby girl was playing in the exersaucer and started to make some noise. I was doing some other things and wanted her to hold off for her nap until we got in the car in 10 minutes. She whined, she cried, she fussed, but she was going to be okay. I checked my e-mail, I changed the laundry, I emptied the dishwasher. And then I decided to check on her. There she was, as cute as a button, asleep in the exersaucer. This is not an easy thing to do.

So as I ran to get my camera to document this neglect (wouldn't this story be better with a photo?) another rule got broken

6. I won't let animals lick, maul, eat my children

When I got back to sleeping beauty she was awake because the dog was standing right in her face and licking it.

Hmmm...send this one to DSS.

He must hate me

So yesterday was my husband's birthday and I had such a great plan. I had a sitter, I had reservations, and I even had clean clothes and makeup to wear. But the plan was tossed aside when my husband couldn't get home from work in time and we instead looked for a Plan B . So the conversation went something like this...

Me: So what do you want to do? I can meet you somewhere.
Him: I don't care, I just don't want to eat at a mall.
Me: Hmmm...I don't know where anything is around here if it isn't at the mall.
Him: You don't know where ANYTHING is that isn't at a mall.
Me: not really. I know where 3 Cheesecake Factory's are, but I don't know of any free standing restaurants around here that aren't at a mall
Him: Fine, we'll eat at a mall, on December 18, at night, on my birthday...fine.

So I get to the restaurant and my husband is no where to be found. I call him on his cell.

Me: Where are you? What's taking so long.
Him: I'm here, I'm just looking for a parking space

10 minutes later I call back
Me: What is going on? What's the problem?
Him: I finally found a spot by Macy's, I'm walking the 15 miles to the restaurant, I'll be right there.

I think I hear him mutter something about "happy birthday to me" as we hang up.

Eventually we enjoy a nice dinner together. Let's be honest, for the 2 of us to even eat dinner without shouting over the 3 year old, the crying 5 month old, and the whining could be at McDonald's and we'd be happy. Add to it a couple of margaritas and raspberry martinis...and everything is great. So as we wrap up dinner, I tell him to go ahead get started back to his car (The way he describes it, he parked in Wyoming!) and I'll meet him home.

When I got home, I paid the sitter, checked my e-mail and then my kids (in that order) and settled down to the couch. About 25 minutes later it dawned on me...Where IS he? So I called.

Me: Where are you?
Him: I'm still at the f&^**^ing mall. I can't find my car.
Me: What can I do?
Him: silence

Another 25 minutes pass and I am doing my best not to fall asleep on the couch before he gets home. Eventually he confides that the red packages with ribbons he used to remember which entrance of Macy's he used were at all 10 entrances. I didn't ask too many questions, just served some birthday cake, yawned, and whispered quietly as I walked up stairs

Me: We shouldn't have eaten at the mall.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

A Christmas Tag

I've never done this before...but here we go...I'm only doing this for you Boom!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
I would love to be so martha and wrap everything...but in a pinch, a bag and some tissue!
2. Real tree or artificial?
No question, Real!
3. When do you put up the tree?
Next weekend, we just haven't been home to do it yet!
4. When do you take the tree down?
New's Years Day. I'm already feeling down from the disappointment of New Years, why not just go with the depression!
5. Do you like eggnog?
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
a riding saddle. In fact, I just got rid of it last the delight of my husband.
7. Have a Nativity scene?
8. Hardest person to buy for?
my in-laws, for sure!
9. Easiest person to buy for?
my 5 month old. She's going to LOVE everything I got her :)
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
jogging shorts and fat calipers (to measure my body fat) from my husband. He swears I asked for them!
11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
mail. Come to think of it, I better get on those!
12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
A Christmas Story. Eat like the piggies!
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
RIght after Halloween. I start with all the online stuff, become friendly with the UPS guy and of course, I always end up at the mall the week before christmas!
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Well, for about 25 years we have been handing a fruitcake back and forth bewteen two families. Not exactly what I would call a present, more like a weighted brick of love.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
My Aunt Jenie's cookies that my father is now starting to cook. BTW...1 is about 15 points on WW
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
17. Favorite Christmas song?
Carol of the Bells, though I can't sing I loved singing that in chorus "ding dong, ding dong"
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
oh so sad...we used to travel Rome, Vienna, London...but this year it is home sweet home.
19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Not unless dopey is one of them!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Morning, noon and night. My sister and I fight over who can open the last present. We like to drag it out...of course because presents equals cocktail hour!
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
those blow up decorations...they are NOT decorations, just ugly! AND...long typed out letters accompanying christmas cards.
23. What I love most about Christmas? repeat! OH...and christmas cards with pictures.

Snow Day!

Snow Day! part 1

I have always loved snow days. When I was little I remember begging my dad to cancel school. (and unlike many other kids, my father actually had the power to do so.) I would wake up at 5am just to hear him walk down the hall and turn off my alarm clock. No matter, I was already wide awake.

And then when I was a teacher myself I would wish for them like a little girl wishing for a pony. Oh, what I wouldn't do to have an extra day to grade papers, catch up on report cards, or write lesson plans. And like any good snow day, I would always spend it curled up on the couch watching Oprah and Ellen, reading the People magazine (purchased the day before in hopes there would be a snow day) and taking cat naps.

But I have to tell you nothing makes a snow day better than when you wake with a cry of joy from the monitor, "YAY! It's Christmas!" My little boy, looking out his window this morning and seeing all of the snow just assumed that Santa had come, Christmas was here, and there was joy to be spread around the world. And then he added, "AND Mommy, it is a school day too!" As if life couldn't get any better...snow, santa and school. He had hit the trifecta.

So one can only imagine the disappointment when he came downstairs and found that not only had Santa not come, but school was closed. Yes there was snow, but it seemed to have ruined all of his plans. Luckily for us, nothing changes a sad face around here like chocolate chip cookies and some sledding. So the crisis had been diverted, snow days are still fun around here and by lunch time, even the dog was smiling (can't you see it in the pictures?)