Campaigning for some good PR

So my husband has started to read my blog and I think there is a direct correlation between that and his recent campaign for Father/Husband of the Week. I'm assuming that he feels misrepresented in my descriptions so he has made a concerted effort to give me NOTHING to write about.

I mean, if you remember to say "Happy Birthday" while I am still in bed and give me a present before breakfast...what can I write about?

I mean, if you call home to ask if I need anything from the store before you come home...what can I write about?


I mean, if you "go camping" with our 3 year old on a Friday night including a hike in the pouring down rain, hotdogs and s'mores by the fireplace, and sleeping ALL NIGHT in the tent in the family room...what can I write about?






And finally, if unsolicited you take the kids out of the house (where...I don't know and I don't care!) on Saturday morning so I could potentially read the paper and drink unlimited lattes (not exactly what happened, but the intent was there!)...what would I write about?

Have no fear, the campaign will soon be over and he will be exposed for the fraud he is, but in the mean time...I've got nothing to say.

One can dream, can't she?

I have dreams. Dreams of sleeping through the night uniterrupted. Dreams of being on time. Dreams of running in just a sports bra (I promise to never do it, I just would like the option) But one dream I really think I might reach is...being a truly good chef.

Now, I have to admit that my nutri-system diet is getting in the way of my culinary skills. There is not a lot of skill involved in heating up a "tofu-na casserole" or a "beef substitute with gravy." But I have been sharpening my skills with my new favorite cookbook:

I'm all about deception, so this cookbook is right up my alley. Blend up cauliflower and put it in banana bread. Done. Puree beets and sweet potato and put it in chocolate cake. Double done. Put chicpeas in chocolate chip cookies. Well...the jury is out on this one, but it was worth a shot.

But you know what has been the best result from this endeavor? I have been hand grooming my little boy to be the biggest catch EVER. Not only does he know the difference between white sugar and brown sugar, and egg whites and egg yolks...but he also likes to spend the afternoon with me in the kitchen. I couldn't have dreamt of anything better!

Couldn't say it better myself

Read me...hilarious

Oh...the spanx dance. I know it well. I can do it in my sleep. And unfortuantely, my husband knows it too. In fact, he now sees me dressed up, puts his hand on my back, tells me I look great, and then rubs gently up and down to see if I have any help keeping my figure a little slimmer than usual...sooo romantic.

Red Dye #5

We love James. He was our favorite. That is, until they recalled him because he was made of lead paint. And to be honest, the tantrum that ensued from removing James from our house made lead poisoning look like a walk in a park.

Now fast forward 6 weeks...we're over James, but not over the red dye apparently.

Yesterday, while "napping" my little guy slipped into his favorite t-shirt. This is a shirt brought to him by his Nana and Memo directly from the Great Wall. After 2+ hours of "napping" (playing, yelling, stripping his bed, hiding under his bed and getting stuck) my little one finally fell asleep. Unfortunately for us, he forgot to go potty in all the excitement of the previous "napping." So 1 1/2 hours later I go to wake him up and find him in a Chinese sea of pink. Turns out the t-shirt is very generous. Not only did it make all of my daughter's clothes pink (ok...most of them were pink to begin with) the first time I washed it, but when mixed with what seemed to be a gallon of urine, it also makes the comforter and sheets pink too.

Let's hope that the removal of this red dye is easier than that of James!

Match.com for Mommies

The other day I was handed a mommy calling card. This is something that is handed to other potential "mommy friends" in the hopes that they'll call you for playdates and eventually become your BFF. Unfortunately, with this system there is no screening process so you might invest a lot of time getting to know someone just to find out...you don't really like them.

What I need is something that is a little more modern, a little more scrutinizing, and a lot more skeptical. I want match.com for mommies.

I can just see it now, I fill out the form saying that I am a 32 year old active stay at home mother or 2. My older son is tall, energetic, well-mannered, and funny as all get out. My daughter, while only 3 months, shows signs of extreme intelligence by chewing on a giraffe and pooping on a regular schedule. I'll post the most adorable picture of the 2 of them along with one of me that was taken well before I ever had any children. And then I'll wait to see the responses.

Response #1 would be from mommylovesjesus.com DELETE IMMEDIATELY
Response #2 would be from ADHDnoproblem.com DELETE IMMEDIATELY
Response #3 would be from drinksonthejob.com REPLY, REPLY, REPLY

See how much time that would save me? Wouldn't it be great?