He must hate me

So yesterday was my husband's birthday and I had such a great plan. I had a sitter, I had reservations, and I even had clean clothes and makeup to wear. But the plan was tossed aside when my husband couldn't get home from work in time and we instead looked for a Plan B . So the conversation went something like this...

Me: So what do you want to do? I can meet you somewhere.
Him: I don't care, I just don't want to eat at a mall.
Me: Hmmm...I don't know where anything is around here if it isn't at the mall.
Him: You don't know where ANYTHING is that isn't at a mall.
Me: uhhh...no not really. I know where 3 Cheesecake Factory's are, but I don't know of any free standing restaurants around here that aren't at a mall
Him: Fine, we'll eat at a mall, on December 18, at night, on my birthday...fine.

So I get to the restaurant and my husband is no where to be found. I call him on his cell.

Me: Where are you? What's taking so long.
Him: I'm here, I'm just looking for a parking space

10 minutes later I call back
Me: What is going on? What's the problem?
Him: I finally found a spot by Macy's, I'm walking the 15 miles to the restaurant, I'll be right there.

I think I hear him mutter something about "happy birthday to me" as we hang up.

Eventually we enjoy a nice dinner together. Let's be honest, for the 2 of us to even eat dinner without shouting over the 3 year old, the crying 5 month old, and the whining dog...it could be at McDonald's and we'd be happy. Add to it a couple of margaritas and raspberry martinis...and everything is great. So as we wrap up dinner, I tell him to go ahead get started back to his car (The way he describes it, he parked in Wyoming!) and I'll meet him home.

When I got home, I paid the sitter, checked my e-mail and then my kids (in that order) and settled down to the couch. About 25 minutes later it dawned on me...Where IS he? So I called.

Me: Where are you?
Him: I'm still at the f&^**^ing mall. I can't find my car.
Me: What can I do?
Him: silence

Another 25 minutes pass and I am doing my best not to fall asleep on the couch before he gets home. Eventually he confides that the red packages with ribbons he used to remember which entrance of Macy's he used were at all 10 entrances. I didn't ask too many questions, just served some birthday cake, yawned, and whispered quietly as I walked up stairs

Me: We shouldn't have eaten at the mall.